Friday, January 2, 2015

Menopause Resort (better name needed)

These first few entries are copied from Facebook and emails in an effort to keep the thought stream together.  I've left the comments that I think specifically add to the discussion, and substituted initials for names.  If you recognize a comment of yours and don't want it here, please let me know and I'll remove it asap.

Facebook post:

Ladies, I’m dreaming up what a perfect retreat/resort would be for menopausal women. Here is what I've got so far [with a first round of suggestions added]. Give me your ideas, either problems to solve or solutions you see, and I’ll work them into the list.
1. Though this isn't a nude resort, women are welcome to suddenly throw off as many of their clothes as they would like at anytime, anywhere in the resort.
2. There are ‘cool-off’ stations located all around the resort with ice cold beverages, cool wet wash cloths, and hand fans. Also, the glasses for the beverages will be kept in small freezers at the stations.There are also several large walk-in coolers in different areas of the resort available for guest enjoyment and relaxation.
3. An entire third of the public areas of the resort are a ‘no-talk’ zone. If women are in this area, they don’t want to be spoken with, unless you’re delivering to them chocolate, cocktails, tea, fruit, an ice cold beverage and a fan, etc.
4. All women are given a round disk that is green on one side and red on the other, to pin on their shirt when they start to cry to indicate to others around what should be done. Use it green side out to indicate someone you know should hug you immediately, and keep hugging you until you tap them on the shoulder to indicate they can stop. Use it red side out if everyone should leave you alone and completely ignore you and your crying until you’re done and cleaned up. In no case should anyone run up and ask, “Whats wrong?” and expect any non-self-deprecating answer that makes.
5. There is no set assumed awake and asleep time. All amenities are available 24 hours a day, and attendees are encouraged to get sleep according to whatever schedule their body dictates.
6. There is a gym with a lap pool, lots of cardio equipment, weights and weight machines, a yoga instructor always on call, a bunch of boxing gloves and punching bags, and no mirrors anywhere except in the bathrooms over the sinks.
7. Korean spa facilities. Need I say more?
8. All private room bathrooms and the public women’s restrooms are stocked with tons of Kleenex, and extra tampons of every size. The private rooms also have plenty of “personal lubrication” in the end tables, and a vanity stocked with water/tear proof eye makeup, [ADDED:] and various hair removal products. The bath products are geared towards healthier older skin, and more lush more full hair.
9. It is against resort rules to ever mention anyone’s baggy eyes. However, there are cucumber and tea-bag “eye-refresher treatments” that can be delivered to you and applied anywhere in the resort.
10. No activities have last-minute cancellation penalty fees. If at any moment you decide to change your plans, you can without judgment or penalty.
11. Sheet service. Several extra sets of sheets are kept in private room closets. If at any time guests would like the staff to provide sheet service, ring housekeeping and we'll send someone right over. Guests can also request 'invisible sheet service', such that the staff slips in and out on their own to change the sheets while the guest stays in another room.
12. Firmness-adjustable beds.
13. Individual heating/cooling controls in private rooms.

14. Many therapy animals.

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